July Newsletter

emotional health mental health Jul 01, 2021

My Protectors

A little food for thought, a little personal share and a little insight on this beautiful start to July. 

Full transparency...recently, I have been feeling some feelings. Hear me out...and let me share with you this process.

What I had been feeling up until recently is an overwhelm of anger, irritation and frustration. It has felt choking, contracting and suffocating. I have felt it in my neck and in my throat and the more angry I got, the tighter the hands around my neck and chest squeezed.

These feelings of anger are old coping mechanisms. These feelings are protectors to the parts of me that were triggered; I was feeling unseen, unheard and under appreciated. So instead of feeling those raw emotions and being vulnerable, I chose anger. 

The protector stood in front of my part, the little girl part of me that felt unseen. The anger protected the rawness of my vulnerability.

I'm sharing this with you because we all get triggered and the beautiful thing about our triggers, is that they are clues for deeper healing. 

I'm sharing this with you because even though I experienced the anger and frustration, I was also able to hold space for those feelings without becoming them. As I held space for those feelings, I was able to identify the little girl part of me that was feeling unseen and I was able to give her exactly what she needed: validation, love and comfort. 

This process is called a triad. There is the protector, the part and the emotional need of the part. 

What sort of protectors do you utilize to guard your little girl or little boy that shows up when triggered? Do you avoid? Become a victim? People please? Control? Numb out? Manipulate? Project? Become addicted? Become hyperaware? 

What part of you is standing behind those protectors? The worrier? The anxious one? The one that doesn't feel worthy? The one that feels unlovable? The one that feels abandoned? The one that feels unimportant? The one that doesn’t feel enough?

What is the emotional need of your part that is behind that protector? Is it appreciation? Love? Comfort? Validation? Safety? Community? Purpose? Belonging? Connection? Encouragement? 

Once we can start identifying our protectors, we can get more curious about our actions.

My protector of anger is there because with the first rupture when I felt unseen, anger served my emotional need of validation, comfort and love.

Think about it.. when I was a little girl I probably felt unseen in some situation... I acted out in anger and my mom or dad probably turned towards me and gave me what I was seeking... I got exactly what I needed.

I formed the unconscious memory that THIS action gets me THAT of which I am seeking.

What type of protectors/coping strategies do you use to get your needs met? Are they serving you?

How can you honor your protectors and hold space for them while simultaneously re-parenting yourself and giving the part of you that is showing up exactly what they need?

We are our own healers. 

I invite you to explore this this week and reach out if you want support. 

I see you. I love you.

Happy July!

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